The Story: Between the Lines-Part Three; A Man of Strength and Weakness

Birth Of A Superman

• You know the drill: Israel does evil, so boom—40 years of Philistine captivity.
• "And there was a certain man […] whose name was Manoah; and his wife was barren, and bare not" (KJV 13:2).
• "And the angel of the Lord appeared unto the woman, and said unto her, […] thou shalt conceive, and bear a son" (KJV 13:3). Soundfamiliar?
• The angel continues, "[A]nd no razor shall come on his head: for the child shall be a Nazarite unto God from the womb: and he shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines" (KJV 13:5). You might want to note this no-haircuts policy. It comes up later on.
• Manoah's wife tells her husband what the "man of God" said to her (KJV 13:6-7).
• Manoah entreats the Lord, "O my Lord, let the man of God which thou didst send come again unto us, and teach us what we shall do unto the child that shall be born" (KJV 13:8).
• He can't really order any parenting books, so naturally he wants some coaching.
• The Lord sends the angel again, who reiterates what he already said.
• Manoah offers him some food. This isn't just a man of God he's dealing with, though, but a straight-up angel. The angel's like, "Dude, I'm an angel. I can't eat your bread. Why don't you offer the Lord a burnt offering?"
• Manoah's like, "Oh, sorry," and asks him his name, but the angel's like, "Man, why are you asking me to reveal my secret name, bro?"
• Things are getting awkward, so Manoah burnt-offers a baby goat on an altar, and as it burns the angel ascends up in the flame toward heaven.
• Manoah finally realizes what this guy was, and he's really worried that they'll have to die now that they've seen him.
• His wife tells him to settle down, because why would God have sent an angel to tell them about their son if he was just going to kill them?
• She has her baby, and names him Samson.
• "[A]nd the child grew, and the Lord blessed him. And the Spirit of the Lord began to move him at times" (KJV 13:24-25).

 

Lions And Honey And Riddles, Oh My!

• Samson sees a Philistine woman and tells his parents he wants to marry her, which is a no-no in Israel. Ahh, forbidden love!
• His parents are disappointed that he doesn't want to marry an Israelite, but he insists, so they head toward her house to negotiate the marriage.
• On his way there, a young lion attacks Samson.
• The Spirit of the Lord comes to Samson just in time, though, and he shows that lion who's boss.
• The Spirit of the Lord, we'll see, is to Samson what anger is to the Incredible Hulk. Anytime you see the Spirit of the Lord coming, stay tuned for carnage.
• Samson tells no one about his lion-wrestling, and continues to his future Philistine in-laws' house.
• Samson's parents negotiate with his dream-girl's parents, who agree to the marriage.
• While he's on his way to pick up his new bride, he passes the carcass of the lion he killed. "[A]nd, behold, there was a swarm of bees and honey in the carcasse of the lion" (KJV 14:8).
• He eats some of the honey, and gives some to his parents without telling them where he got it.
• As was the custom, Samson throws a wedding feast at his Philistine phiancée's house.
• Samson challenges 30 Philistines at the feast to solve a riddle within seven days. If they can guess the answer, he'll give them 30 sheets and 30 changes of garments; if they can't, they each have to give him a sheet and a change of garments.
• They accept the challenge, and Samson riddles them this: "Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness" (KJV 14:14).
• They can't figure it out, so they go to Samson's wife with an ultimatum: Tell us the answer to your husband's riddle, or we'll "burn thee and thy father's house with fire" (KJV 14:15). Sheesh!
• So she tries to convince Samson to tell her the riddle, but he refuses until she weeps and harasses him for 7 days.
• She tells the Philistines the answer, and they say to Samson, "What is sweeter than honey? and what is stronger than a lion?" (KJV 14:18)
• "If ye had not plowed with my heifer," Samson says, "ye had not found out my riddle" (KJV 14:18). He seems upset. We're going to suggest he refrain from comparing his wife to a cow anyway, though.
• "And the Spirit of the Lord came upon him [here it comes!] and he went down to Ashkelon, and slew thirty men of them, and took their spoil, and gave change of garments unto them which expounded the riddle. And his anger was kindled, and he went up to his father's house" (KJV 14:19).
• Unbeknownst to him, Samson's new wife is given to a Philistine friend of his. This is going to get ugly…

Well, I'll Be A Donkey's Jawbone! Samson Slays A Thousand Philistines

• After his temper's cooled a little bit, Samson returns to see his wife, but her father won't let him in, saying, "I verily thought that thou hadst utterly hated her; therefore I gave her to thy companion" (KJV 15:2). Maybe she told him about the heifer comment?
• At this point it seems like Samson gets that "Spirit of the Lord" look in his eye, because his ex-wife's father says, perhaps in panicked desperation, "[I]s not her younger sister fairer than she? take her, I pray thee, instead of her" (KJV 15:2). Gee thanks, Pops.
• Samson says thanks-but-no-thanks, and feels justified in exacting vengeance on the Philistines.
• Just picture this: "And Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took firebrands, and turned tail to tail, and put a firebrand in the midst between two tails. And when he had set the brands on fire, he let them go into the standing corn of the Philistines, and burnt up both the shocks, and also the standing corn, with the vineyards and olives" (KJV 15:4-5). That's how Samson rolls, Philistines.
• The Philistines blame Samson's erstwhile-wife's family for his shenanigans, and they burn her and her father.
• Samson vows vengeance again, and slaughters tons of Philistines.
• When he returns to the land of Judah, the Philistines follow him with an army.
• This worries the tribe of Judah, and they tell the Philistines that they'll arrest Samson themselves and bring him to them.
• They send 3,000 men up to the top of the rock of Etam, who tell Samson, "Look man, you can't do that to the Philistines. You're going to get us into trouble. We gotta take you in."
• Samson agrees to let them bring him bound to the Philistines, which they do.
• But as soon as they get to a place called Lehi (meaning "jawbone"), the Philistines see him and start shouting at him.
• And boom goes the dynamite.
• The Spirit of the Lord comes to Samson, he breaks the ropes with which he's bound, and he pherociously phights the Philistines.
• He finds a donkey's jawbone lying around (gotta use what you've got) and, wielding it like a club, kills 1,000 men.
• Then he utters perhaps the first ever post-kill one-liner: "With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men" (KJV 15:16). It has a certain rhythm to it, don't you think?
• As if he weren't hardcore enough right now, he tells God he's thirsty, so God opens up a spring of water for him right there.
• And Samson judged Israel for 20 years after that.

Boy Meets Girl, Girl Cuts Boy's Hair, Boy Destroys The Temple Of Dagon

• Samson goes to Gaza, a Philistine city, and spends some time with a harlot there.
• The Philistines find out he's there, and hide outside the city gates that night, hoping to attack and kill him when he leaves in the morning.
• But Samson wakes up at midnight, tears the gates out of the city wall (Hulk smash), and carries them on his shoulders like it ain't no thang to the top of a hill outside the city.
• Rather than getting squashed like bugs, the Philistines leave him alone. Good thinking, you guys.
• Afterward, Samson falls in love with a lady names Delilah.
• Cue the theme music. This will do. Or this. Or this. Not this.
• "And the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and said unto her, Entice him, and see wherein his great strength lieth, and by what means we may prevail against him […] and we will give thee every one of us eleven hundred pieces of silver" (KJV 16:5). Hmm… Betrayed for silver. Sound familiar?
• For love of money, or love of country, or both, Delilah agrees to betray her lover.
• She tells him, in her seductive Philistine accent, "Sammy-poo, you're so strong. I love that about you. How did you get that way? If I—hypothetically—wanted to, I dunno, afflict you, or like, y'know, imprison you or something—hypothetically—how would I do that?"
• Well, our guy Sam wasn't born yesterday. He makes up several fake sources of his strength.
• Delilah uncovers Samson's fibs one-by-one until she finally ratchets up the romantic manipulation and gets some results.
• "And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth" (KJV 16:15).
• Well played, Delilah. Her ploy works and Samson reveals to her the true source of his strength: his flowing locks.
• Delilah tells the Philistines everything. They give her the silver, and she has Samson fall asleep on her lap.
• While he sleeps, Delilah has a servant cut his hair.
• Delilah wakes Samson up and, before he knows what's happening, the Philistines take him away. Love stinks.
• They "put out his eyes, and brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass; and he did grind in the prison house" (KJV 16:21).
• After a while, "the lords of the Philistines gathered them together for to offer a great sacrifice unto Dagon their god, and to rejoice: for they said, Our god hath delivered Samson our enemy into our hand. And when the people saw him, they praised their god: for they said, Our god hath delivered into our hands our enemy, and the destroyer of our country, which slew many of us" (KJV 16:23-24).
• The Philistines are so excited to have captured Samson that they bring him out of prison to entertain them.
• He does so, but he's not happy about it. Afterward, he rests between two pillars, with thousands of Philistines seated above him after watching his show. Rookie mistake, you guys.
• Samson appeals to God for a final burst of strength to avenge himself of the Philistines.
• "And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life" (KJV 16:30).
• Then his brethren came and brought Samson's body back for a hero's burial near his family.